I’ve been married for almost ten months now, which obviously makes me a marriage expert. Just kidding. I wouldn’t even begin to try and give other people advice. However, throughout these past ten months I have realized there are a lot of things that no one warned me about getting married. These aren’t necessarily bad things (most of them are great things). Before you get married, people talk about how it is an “adjustment” without explaining what that actually means. I think some of these fall in the “adjustment” category. Anyway, Without further adieu, here are some of the things I didn’t know before I got married:
1. How rude people can be. Before we got engaged people would always say “when are you going to get married already?!”, “You have been dating forever!” However, since we have been married, the tune is much different. People tell me I am too young. They ask if I was actually ready. They tell me we should have dated longer (I thought over a year was a decent time frame, but whatever). They beg me to not have children anytime soon. People have made negative comments about my wedding, my dress and other decisions I made concerning that day. Getting married is one of the biggest decisions you will make in your lifetime, which means that people are going to have something to say about it. It really shouldn’t matter what other people say about your decision. It is yours to make and yours to judge. In the words of my girl T-Swizzle, haters gonna hate.
2. The weird money situation. Nate and I both have jobs. When we first got married we discussed whether we would keep our separate accounts or join them together. We decided to join them and use everything together. The thing is, before I got married, I would buy whatever I wanted. If I wanted a new shirt instead of spending money on food, that was my decision to make. It turns out that even if you don’t care to live off of Top Raman so you can spend money on pretty things, your spouse probably does. Weird. It’s not that you can’t buy anything ever again, but you usually discuss your purchases first. Nate doesn’t usually say no when I ask him for (reasonable) things, but I like to talk to him about it first. To be honest, it is pretty awkward in the beginning. After some budgeting and money planning, we got the hang of it.
3. How your activities change. This has two parts to it.
- When we were dating, we would usually spend more time apart than we do now. I would hang out with my roommates and friends and Nate would do the same with his. While we still do some activities separately, we have also adopted some of each others hobbies. Even though going shooting isn’t always my favourite, I do it because Nate likes to. Just like how picking out fabrics probably isn’t his favourite either, but he still holds my hand while I look through hundreds of different patterns. There are a lot of things I didn’t necessarily picture myself doing, but that is actually an awesome part of being married.
- This weird thing happens when you get married. All of the sudden, your single friends don’t like hanging out with you. When we were dating, we would hang out with our roommates a lot. We pretty much always hung out with single people. Whether it is due to the fact that we don’t live with them anymore, or because marriage is just a little too intense for them, we kind of had to adopt some new friends after we got married.
4. How much time you spend together. When we were dating, it was like there weren’t enough hours in the day to be together. I still feel that way. Even though we spend every second together when we aren’t at school or work, I can’t get enough of Nate! To be honest, it is kind of different at first. He is there when I brush my teeth. We go to bed and wake up together. He is there when I am at my worst. But it is actually great. This time just helps us get to know one another even better and understand each others needs. Also, it is pretty amazing to know that you always have someone to come home to that is happy to see you!
5. The support you receive. The other day I came home and told Nate about someone who had been being rude at school. Even though he doesn’t know her, his first words were “we hate that girl! She is probably just jealous”. When I told Nate I wanted to start my own little business, he said “You will do so great at that!” When I said I wanted to drop a class, he said “Do it. You don’t need that stress in your life.” Nobody warned me that getting married meant you had someone that would always be there for you and support your decisions.
Well there you have it. Even though I’m sure there are a lot of other items that can be added to this list, these are the five that are on my mind. If you are getting married: beware of the changes ahead. Though some of these changes are obviously great, and some are a little different, they all have brought us closer together and made our marriage stronger. I hope you didn’t die of cheesyness while reading.
Thanks for stopping in!